what is it? it is not a good thing. it sickens me. it disgusts me.  it addicts me. lures me. attracts me. Seduces. Abandons. what is it? it is He. who? He. who is He? He disappears. He calls my name- vanishes just as i turn my head. He is always gone. leaves the party too early. takes the Early Exit. Always. it turns him away. He could have saved me. what is it? it beats me. starves me. spins the thick cobweb. it raises the humidity. it smothers me with sticky grime. it is the Shrieking Deaf Russian Woman who lives downstairs. it is Her Son Who Smokes Stale Cigarettes. it is the stale cigarette smoke that wafts from his window into mine. it is the migraine that takes root in the lower right hand corner of my brain. it is the force that drove the bums off the sidewalk. what is it? it is She. She never leaves. She is at the party until high noon. and then. She continues to dance. She is too much. She waits for He. unaware that the waiting keeps Him away. unaware of the game He plays. waits an hour. He laughs. goes across town. waits another hour. laughs again. goes cross country. waits a third. He knowingly chuckles and makes a run for the border. She leaves the party. arrives home just as He is making His grand re-entrance. missed him again. will continue to miss him. the time is not yet right. there will come a time in the future when He will step from the shadows. surprise her. depending on Her readiness She will or will not know that . It. is He. It/He will take Her. will be up to Her. Her decision. whether She is ready or not. It will be a test. what is it? it is the sugar dripping down your throat. it is the churning in my belly. it makes the sides of my jaw tingle. it makes me vomit. it is not a bad thing. it cradles me to sleep. caresses my cheek and waves away the Banshee. they keep it near. and, what is it? What Is It? It kept me away as you sat alone in your apartment with your brain leaking out of your eyes, ears, nose, and mouth. It was the three remaining lines of the witch’s brew you never got to finish blowing. It kept you hidden for three days until someone noticed the stench coming out from under your door. what is it? it is what art can only wish to be. it is what poetry once was. no longer is. what is it? what created this sad hunger called Desire? what deprives and causes craving? yearning? what makes one homicidal? suicidal? both? what makes one analytical? skeptical and suspicious? what is it? what are YOU? are you the Asshole or the Bitch? are you the He? the She? the Game? the Sex? the Magnet? what is it?

©1997 Jennifer You

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