SHANE ALLISON

two poems

POEM FOR JOE BRAINARD

Joe I remember all the bullshit I heard about New York before moving there.

I remember eating chicken quesadillas, Joe, with my friend Todd a day or two before leaving.

Joe, I remember putting a whole lot of winter clothes on layaway at Burlington's for the cold winter months.

I remember my aunt saying something about my needing to wear two hoods to keep my head warm.

I remember how excited I was when I found out I had been accepted at the New School, Joe.

I remember people asking where the school was.

I remember calling Jarret to tell him the great news, but he was out of town, so I shared it with his wife instead.

Joe I remember crying in the parking lot thinking I would never get out of Tallahassee.

Joe I remember how terrified I was about New York, but being more excited than scared.

Joe I remember all the bags and suitcases of clothes I packed in the blue mini van my parents rented to drive me up.

I remember being advised to take a plane instead, Joe.

I remember stopping for chicken at Popeyes before we hit the road, Joe.

Joe I remember my sister doing most of the driving.

I remember endless red and green signs along the way.

Joe I remember countless cars, taxi cabs and skyscrapers.

Joe I remember arriving and thinking it was everything I imagined.

I remember the smell of carbon monoxide, Joe.

Joe I remember the smell of shish kabobs and the sound of horns blowing.

I remember how nice people were to me when I got lost.

Joe I remember riding the subway for the first time.

I remember "Please step away from the platform."

Joe I remember Robbie and me making out in the stairwell at the Gay and Lesbian Community Center.

I remember my Asian roommates, and the one who cooked smelly foods.

I remember my roommate, Omair who I didn't like much and fought with constantly.

Joe I remember Michael moving in and thinking, "finally a gay roommate".

I remember his closet filled with nothing but black clothes.

Joe I remember when he cooked porkchops and fixed me a plate.

I remember us drinking daquiries at this cute little restaurant in Hell's Kitchen.

I remember spaghetti with slices of sausage, Joe.

I remember walking drunk with Matt and Alana to the KGB Bar.

Joe, man, I didn't think we would ever get there.

Joe I remember eating fish cakes and raimen noodles.

I remember having candy for dinner.

Joe I remember my first Cosmopolitan.

I remember the bad food I ate in the cafeteria of the GF Building days after 9/11, Joe.

Joe I remember a slight tremble when the first plane hit.

I remember looking at the time on my little yellow clock I purchased from the Dollar Tree.

I remember looking out of the window of my dorm room to the sight of people running, but didn't think anything of it.

Joe I thought they were going to lunch.

Joe I remember everyone being held on the second floor until it was safe.

I remember writing about my experiences in my notebook.

I remember two girls huddled in a corner crying.

I remember thinking that it wasn't that serious when I saw the first tower burning.

I remember buying thirty-five cent bananas at a grocery store not too far from where I lived, Joe.

I don't remember the name of the grocery store.

Joe I remember the security guard of the building being covered in debris.

I remember eating green sandwiches from Zetundas.

I remember trying to call my aunt in Queens, but I couldn't get a hold of her to let her know that I was okay.

I remember going to my first gay pride parade, Joe.

Joe I remember men from Brazil in fierce head dresses.

Joe I remember seeing orange cones down Fulton Street after returning to my dorm eight days after 9/11.

I remember my Mama saying something about her being in the process of getting her hair done when she heard the news, and running frantically out of the hairdresser.

Joe I remember meeting Sapphire.

I remember walls and walls of xeroxed pictures of those missing who worked at the World Trade Center.

I remember seeing a big bull.

I remember reading a really pornographic poem at my first graduate student reading.

Joe I remember having a crush on Lyle.

I remember David Trinidad taking us to see where Frank O' Hara used to live.

Joe I remember writing a "walk" poem about walking to the apartment where Frank O' Hara lived.

Joe I remember Jenna's numerous hair colorings.

I remember Carly wearing a black dress when we first met.

I remember Ben looking lithe and boyish.

I remember cruising in the bathroom on the fifth floor directly behind the writing office, Joe.

Joe I remember getting blown there.

I remember that cute Mexican guy with the big dick.

Joe I remember finally, after being broke, getting a job at a computer lab.

I remember Nic, Elvira, Rudy, Nishita and Keerati, Joe.

I remember cold noodles in a plastic box.

I remember John, a computer whiz of a thing, who was tall and all freckled-face.

Joe I remember Jorge with those gorgeous brown eyes.

Joe I remember a pink and black striped top.

I remember hanging out for hours at St. Marks Books.

I remember reading books, and writing poems in a small, pocket-sized red journal in a tiny corner off from customers.

Joe I remember waiting in line at the Nuyorican Cafe in the freezing cold.

I remember my first open mic reading there, Joe.

I remember getting strep throat, Joe.

Joe I remember going to Stonewall five nights out of the week.

I remember Tuesday night bingo with Kenny Dash.

I remember a reading at the 13th Bar, Joe.

I remember meeting and having lunch with Bob Rosenthal and Peter Hale.

Joe I remember getting published in small New York magazines.

Joe I remember Ron's rim chair.

I remember making out with Mark on the street in front of everyone.

I remember making out with Oscar outside of Stonewall Bar. He was a great kisser, Joe.

I remember rolling out of the Unicorn at 6 a.m.

I remember the go-go boys at The Hangar and The Monster.

I remember Justin at Pieces, apple martinis and Coronas with lime.

I remember that terrible cole slaw at Jane.

I remember Matt asking if I wanted to do some coke, Joe.

Joe I remember feeling very tempted to do it.

I remember smoking weed with Bobby, but that didn't happen in New York.

Joe I remember thinking that Matt was a skin head.

I remember Noel in tight jeans with wavy brown hair.

I remember Matty's blue eyes and the tattoos on the back of his leg.

Joe I remember us getting along so well in the beginning.

Joe I remember slicing up potatoes, sprinkling them with chicken seasoning and frying them up.

Joe I remember Daniel never being all that nice to me.

I remember stealing change off his bookshelf while he was away.

I remember buying bread and bologna with the money.

I remember my first Halloween parade, Joe.

I remember cruising in the basement bathroom of Bobst Library, Joe.

Joe I remember the tall light-skinned man who liked to get fucked.

God damn I remember having the best sex in those tearooms.

I remember a little about the guy that ejaculated on my stomach. He wore gray shoes, Joe.

Joe I remember flat-screened black computer monitors.

I remember being a little home sick for Tallahassee while in New York.

Joe I remember being extremely home sick for New York when I was home for the holidays.

Joe I remember the smell of poppers and ass.

I remember the first time I ever got my ass rimmed.

I remember the skinny white guy who liked calling me a "nigger" while I blew him.

He was always high and red-eyed off poppers,Joe
 

A POEM FOR CHARLES BERNSTEIN

Charles Bernstein understands the human heart I wish Charles Bernstein ruled the world Because of Charles Bernstein, I stay off the wrong side of the tracks Charles Bernstein reminds me of Benny Hill I touch the whiskers on Charles Bernstein's cat Charles Bernstein says I could sleep in the basement I dream I could be a great teacher like none other than Charles Bernstein I cry because Charles Bernstein cries, too I touch myself when thinking of Charles Bernstein wandering around inside me I hear Charles Bernstein's motor bike rumbling down Martin Luther King Boulevard I hear Charles Bernstein reading poetry at some crummy dive on the lower east side Charles Bernstein is surrounded by flowers I touch my lips when I see Charles Bernstein on stage I taste the medicine Charles Bernstein gives me for my Bronchitis I imagine Charles Bernstein writing in my dreams I am the man of the house when Charles Bernstein is gone Charles Bernstein brainwashed me into believing that I'm a platypus I smell Charles Bernstein's freshly baked cherry pies I wish Charles Bernstein would stop cheating off my math test My mother is having Charles Bernstein over for dinner I say that Charles Bernstein can read my thoughts Without Charles Bernstein, things are sour and bitter I hear Charles Bernstein still and silent Wish I could speak a little more like Charles Bernstein I see and remember Charles Bernstein I know I am the illegitimate son of Charles Bernstein Because of Charles Bernstein, I am a potter I imagine Charles Bernstein standing on snow-capped mountains I don't want to think about what my life would be like without Charles Bernstein You say you never stopped loving me I say there is someone else, and his name is Charles Bernstein I don't love you the same way I love Charles Bernstein Why do I wonder so about Charles Bernstein I feel this wall separating me and Charles Bernstein I try to overcome my fear of loneliness, but without the almighty words of Charles Bernstein, it's near impossible I enjoy small talk and big lies shared by Charles Bernstein Don't you love this mink coat Charles Bernstein bought me I wish I was a Buffalo, New Yorker like Charles Bernstein I say things no one else understands except Charles Bernstein Imagine Charles Bernstein wearing a pink bunny suit I hope Charles Bernstein will come to my house and play Yahtzee with me I see Charles Bernstein in the fog of Manhattan I wonder if Charles Bernstein knows if I will ever get married I see Charles Bernstein looking back at me in the mirror Charles Bernstein invited me to stay the week at his condo in Aspen

Shane Allison is the author of four chapbooks of poetry. "Ceiling of Mirrors," (Cynic Press), "Black Fag," (Future Tense Books), "Cock & Balls" (Feel Free Press), and "Black Vaseline. (Blaze Vox Books). His poems and stories have appeared in New Delta Review, Snow Monkey, Shampoo, zafusy. Mipo, Mississippi Review, New Millenium Writings, Best Black Gay Erotica and Ultimate Gay Erotica. I Do/I Don't: Queers on Marriage and Gents, Badboys and Barbarians 2. His new book of poetry, "I Want to Fuck a Redneck" is forthcoming from Scintillating Publications.