E. J ANTONIO

BEFORE IT KNEW MY NAME

power is a glass tiger

sentences divide

in a nightmare i morph into antenna

picking up signals

how many times since elementary school

have i changed into wallpaper

become shadow to male blood-

lines attached to me?

they boast their accomplishments

the Bs earned / the homeruns hit

their dreams not deferred

in absentia i wash a dish, get straight As

cook a meal, get a scholarship, wash clothes

for them / was i ever there?

in a dream, truth is an adult

who does not sit in a playpen

with fantasy waiting for pink and white

horses to ride / in a nightmare

the lies i repeat to myself collapse

my eyes go blind / my ears numb

inaudible the penny falling

wrong side up on carpet

how many times since marriage

have i changed into silence

become a support beam covered

in darkness? i age; my talents harden

cement the cracks of his dreams with broken

plaster ghosts of my childhood

was i there?

power is a glass tiger

verbs and nouns freeze

splinter when tapped

how many times since motherhood

have i changed?

become no name just: mommy,

mom, ma, momma, ma dear

aren’t you so-n-so’s mother?

was i there before my child’s birth,

before my marriage, before my education,

before my ancestral placement?

was i there before i birthed myself

into a world confining me

before it knew my name?